The presence of God

Well this morning we had workmen again, so I couldn't sleep in. Agggh! ...so again, I had a very rushed morning and went down to the prayer room. This time Justin Rizzo was leading worship and just like last Saturday, it was totally amazing. The presence of God was so thick and I sat at a desk, but then felt as though the Holy Spirit was wooing me to kneel at the front of the prayer room again. I was embarrassed to go to the front. There were two big druggy-looking guys on their knees, one covered in tattoos and it was touching to watch them. I wrestled a bit with God and fear of man, but then obeyed the Holy Spirit.

As I knelt down, I felt really shy and awkward and bowed my head low. Almost immediately, God's presence overwhelmed me and I was weeping and weeping and weeping as I prayed again for my family and friends. I couldn't raise my head, I don't know why. I didn't see who was around me, I just looked ahead and saw the worship leader and singers. I only recognised the leader's face because I watched him last Saturday. His worship leading seems to result in the greatest anointing. I knelt and prayed and wept for over an hour, then left the prayer room at 10am and came home cos I wanted to clean myself up.

What's with that? What is God doing in my heart? Why do I have these weird emotional encounters? I wish I was not such a mess, but i can't help it. I love them and everything within me just craves God's presence and nearness, but I hate being unable to control my emotions and not being able to explain to anyone why I am the way I am. I wonder if anyone around me understands what it is like. there must be someone.... oh how I wish God would connect me with them.