Time to ponder

Feeling a bit gutted today. Brooke had a couple of prophecies talking about marriage and it's been the prayer on her heart for so long. All of a sudden, out of the blue, her Prince Charming appears out of no where and after talking to him, I really think they are an excellent match. They are the same age, both their dads are engineers and their mums are stay-at-home mums, they are both new Christians and have had wild past experiences, they seem to be at the same stage in their walk with God - both searching and trying to get closer to God, they are equally attractive and he has a great job as a fireman, which he beat 1000's of applicants to get. He is half Italian and half Spanish and loves cooking, swimming and working out. I'm really happy for them, but now that means I have lost my best friend in KC and they are together today getting to know each other.

Last night was awesome. Our team met with another team and this other team have really developed their prophetic ministry gifts. They decided to prophesy over us. Everything they said ministered to my heart. Michael Kim said he saw me on the waters in a storm and the waters were filled with sharks and it was very dangerous, and though he said others would be too afraid and probably crushed in these circumstance, I was bold and courageous and strong. He said the Lord has heard my prayers. He said that I have been fighting for so long and the breakthrough would come. His wife said she had a vision of me diving into an ocean and being confident in the waters, whereas others she imagined would be afraid and just keep to shallow waters. Her vision really touched me because it reminded me of a dream i had many years ago - I dived off a cliff into the ocean and I was a power swimmer (total contrast to real life - I can't dive and am not that great at swimming!).

Michael also said that the Lord wanted me to know I was beautiful and that many women feel that they are declining in beauty over time, but that I was becoming more beautiful. That was sweet. Another thing he said that touched me deeply is that the Lord had given me a garden and I had been faithful in tending that garden, so He was going to give me a bigger garden. The reason that ministered to me so deeply was because when I almost ended my life at 16, the dream I had was in the most beautiful garden, and also a lady from the w/o walls prophetic tent saw a vision of big gates opening in front of me to reveal and beautiful garden.

MaryGrace said she saw a vision of a sail boat for me and said the wind (symbolic of the Holy Spirit) was directing the boat across the water and that I would follow the Holy Spirit's leading to many places. She also saw me as a boulder and said she saw it rolling fast and scattering the enemies against me. She said I was like a fire ball. She said she felt the Lord had given me eyes to see through peoples' outward exteriors and into their heart to see what state they are in spiritually. Michael said he often felt I could look at people and see right into their hearts too. He said he felt the fear of the Lord when I looked at him. Interesting.

He also said he always thought of me as very tough, strong and confident, but that he felt the Lord say that He wanted to bring out a very gentle soft side, like a cadbury creme egg with a hard shell and soft inside.

Kathleen saw me with a sword wielding it competently. She also said the Lord delights in me.

Jess said she felt led to read me Psalm 139 about how I cannot escape from God - He will always be thinking of me and physically with me no matter where God takes me.

Sick on Sunday

So I woke up today feeling really sick and just in no way capable of doing my kiddies church shift, so I messaged Martha to say I just wouldn't be going and that I felt too unwell to find a replacement. Thank goodness she said she had me covered. I am hoping she roped her daughter into doing it so that way I would not have to return the favor. Yeah I know, I am just over this intense schedule!

The thing that has bee grieving my heart the last few days is this issue with human trafficking that keeps getting brought up in prayer and conversations at IHOP. I did some research after participating in the intercession set last Thursday and getting intensely emotional and broken over the issue. What happens is these really poor women from countries such as Argentina (we prayed for Buenos Aires last Thursday) see adverts to change their situation. Deceptive corrupt American companies offer to pay then $10 US/hr to do things like cleaning. So then the woman will sell everything they own to pay for the working visa to America. They get their visa, everything seems fine and they arrive in America at their place of employment, only to then find they have made a fatal decision into sex slavery.

These women become trapped by these sick perverted criminals and they cannot escape because:

1. firstly, they are often locked up;
2. secondly, a lot of them cannot speak fluent english, if any english;
3. thirdly, being forced to have sex with 25 men in one night every night destroys their self esteem and ability to speak up for themselves;
4. fourthly, the immigration laws they entered the country through, actually bind them to their employer so they cannot work for anyone else; and
5. finally, they have no money as their employer doesn't pay them, but exploits them to earn thousands of dollars every night for their own crooked purposes.

I watched a documentary of one woman who was forced to "work" for these criminals for two years until she fell pregnant. Then they dumped her upon hearing the news. She was lucky. She managed to alert the authorities and they have helped her. Others are not so fortunate.

My heart has been in torment over these women. Being an international student, and having travelled into Mexico and Cambodia, I understand the visa issues and the language barriers. My heart is just aching to see these women set free. They lose everything and become prisoners. Oh Lord, please bring justice to them.

Nothing impossible with God

Yesterday, I woke up late – too late to get a ride to class, so I had to take the day off as a personal day. I was feeling really run down, so I guess that was a good thing. I also needed to do some serious shopping, so the timing was good because James and Nikki also took the day off and were heading to Walmart in the arvo.

Before we left, we ate a meal together and Nikki told me about her daughter. She was previously married to an alcoholic drug addict, who was denied custody of their children after it became obvious he was a threat to their health and welfare. When Nikki’s daughter Sarah was 11, she used to cry to see her daddy again, who lived in another state in America. One day Nikki gave in to her daughter and ex-husband’s plea’s to see each other. She made the mistake of allowing her daughter to see her dad for one week.

Well Nikki is not sure exactly what happened, but later found out her ex-husband left her precious daughter in the “care” of his drug addict gf and two guys during the day when he left. She suspects her daughter was drugged and raped and put through absolute torment during that time. Twice she received frantic phone calls from the daughter screaming “where are you mum?”. On the second call, Nikki told her daughter to find an adult or police officer and get them to take her to the biggest hospital in the state and that she would drive three hours to meet her in that hospital.

Nikki arrived and waited there for hours and hours and hours until finally the daughter arrived. She said from that day on her daughter was never the same and she has never found out to this day exactly what happened. What followed were obvious demonic manifestations through her daughter – her daughter would tear off her clothes, cut herself with glass, rip off her own skin, curse and swear and roar. She attacked people who came near her, even grown men and with such force that she would injure people – even as a young small girl! Her school years were destroyed and she could no longer engage or relate to people.

They moved her from school to school and sought all the help they could get from anywhere and everywhere, but to no avail.

In her early 20s a man escaped from prison in the area where her daughter lived and raped her. He also bit her all over her body and put her through even more hell. The whole family went to the hospital where she was chained to the bed because of the violent reactions she would have. It was then they agreed that she be taken to a mental hospital. Nikki has not spoken to her daughter for over a year because the daughter has refused to have anything to do with her. She ended up getting out of the mental hospital and got married to a man who truly loves her, but he is not a Christian and her life is a total wreck. She can’t work or function as a normal human.

Nikki spent the day crying her heart out on Thursday, the day I spent the afternoon sobbing over human trafficking victims. She said at Pure Heart on Tuesday they said they wanted to minister to women with issues relating to mother-daughter relationships and the need for restoration. My heart just broke hearing her story. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be facing all that – and it all started with one bad decision when her daughter was 11. Oh Lord, all we can do is pray.

The things that matter to God

Today was another very interesting day. Brooke stayed in bed and took the day off - good for her! As for me, I walked down to James and Nikki's house and started my day bright and early with a cup of their hazelnut coffee and a slice of banana bread. Gosh I just love the two of them so much. I'm so grateful they are in my life and they are so easy-going and accepting of me. What am I going to do when they return home to Texas at the end of June? Anyway, I told them about the amazing prophetic ministry I had yesterday and how I had spent the night thinking about it so much that I barely slept. Nikki asked me what the words spoken over me were, so I read them out to her.

Then we picked up Phil, some married older guy who lives at Herrnhut in a nearby apartment, and drove to class. Nikki and I went and got some coffee before going back to class. I sat with John. Then we moved classrooms and I sat with Martha. As usual I joined the rapid fire prayer line and threw in my small contribution. They just invited ten people, so I leapt out of my seat to be one of the lucky ten :-) I don't know why I have such a craving all the time to participate.

Today's topic was gratitude, so I said something like "Father God, thank You that You are a God of many miracles, a God through whom absolutely nothing is impossible. Thank You that no situation is without hope because of You. Thank You that You are Elohim, Almighty Creator of the world and even though You are so awesome, the things that matter to us, matter to You. You know us intimately and You will perfect all that concerns us. Thank You that You will never leave us nor forsake us and there's not a minute of any day that You're not part of our lives. Thank You Jesus". The words I prayed were simple and sweet.

Then I caught a ride with James and Nikki and got them to drive through the Burger King drive through so I could grab a burger before being dropped off at the Global Prayer Room early. I went in almost an hour early and sat and typed up the prophetic words I got yesterday. I also read my email and typed up my rapid fire prayer. At 2pm, I left to attend our team briefing and in the absence of Zack, Lindsey did a very cool activity where she got us all to close our eyes, hold out our hands and then she placed one penny and one nickel into two different people's hands, before asking us all to put our hands under the table and not look at the coins we had, if we had them. Then everyone had to pray for a word for the person with each coin without knowing who the person was that they were prophesying over.

Well it proved to be absolutely amazing. The majority of the words I got were all words I have had spoken over my life before and I really felt they were genuine words from God....

1) Saw a fisherman and felt the Lord say you are a fisher of men, that He will use you to lead others to salvation. Saw you as a lighthouse – guiding people to the Lord and also applicable to your family (John Lee).

2) Proverbs 3:5-6 – trust in the lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path (My own word over myself! - lol).

3) Psalm 21:1-2 – the Lord is my light and my salvation, who shall I fear. The Lord if the stronghold of my life, in whom shall I be afraid? Relationship with the Lord will bring Godly and like-minded people into your life. Saw the word “comforter” and believe the Lord is comforting you. Saw a yellow soothing colour – the Lord is comforting you. Rest in Him – He is your lifeline (Ryan Jordan).

4) Felt the Lord wanted to give you the following scriptures:

Judges 6:12 - And the Angel of the LORD appeared to him, and said to him, “The LORD is with you, you mighty man of valor!”.

Judges 6:14 - Then the LORD turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you?”

…. encouragement about how He sees you. Heard Him say listen to who the Lord says you are and to trust your inner man. Felt as though the penny thinks it is a penny, but God sees it as gold (Neville Corbett).

5) Saw a vision of a black strong sketch of you – interpreted as though you are receiving from the Lord things of the Spirit, infilling with joy and grace (Lindsey Voss).

That was awesome!

So then we returned to the prayer room and I typed up my words, prayed some scriptures over my family and did my own thing. Then at around 4.30pm, I heard the prayer leader begin the topic of intercession into the microphone and the topic was human trafficking. As soon as he started, I felt I was meant to put everything away and go up the front of the room. As I sat down, I began to pray in tongues and then weep for the victims of human trafficking. It was so weird. I wept and wept as people watched me. I switched between tongues and scriptures in prayer all between my tears, while all the time thinking about what I would pray into the microphone when it was my turn.

I realised God wanted me to intercede for the victims and that His heart was so broken for them. It didn't matter to me that our shift in the prayer room had finished. God was not finished with me and while the other students in my track all left, I remained. I joined the rapid fire line and ended up praying through tears something like "Father God, we lift up the victims of human trafficking before you and we pray that you would put a new song in the mouths today, that as they offer up those songs of praise to you and give thanks to you because You are a good God, we pray that You would enable supernatural deliverance. Thank you Jesus".

Then I sat down and listened to how everyone else prayed and when the prayer leaders were all done, I got up and left. Some pretty blonde American girl called Whitney pulled my arm on the way out and asked me if I knew some girl from Australia. She said she heard my Australian accent. I said no and then she asked me how long I was staying in America for. I told her six months to do the internship. I told her I had been bawling my eyes out over the issue of human trafficking and that it was so weird because I don't know anyone personally involved in it and yet my heart was so broken for the victims. Then I said I had to go. She smiled and I said "nice to meet you" and left.

As I walked home, I wondered why God had touched my heart. Again I felt weird about breaking down in front of all these curious eyes watching me. I didn't know any of them and felt kind of embarrassed. The Lord is doing something in my heart.

Wednesday

Today was interesting. When Brooke and I were sitting in class, John suddenly came up to me and said he had a word for me. I was like "ok, yeah what is it?" and he gets on his knees and looks like he is about to explode. He struggled to get the words out, but then told me he had a vision of me last night. I was wearing God's armor and I was a warrior and he said he knew that I have been waring for ages for my family. He said under the armor I was wearing a pure white dress and he said that God wanted me to know that yes I was a warrior, but first before that, I was His princess and the white dress had no spots or marks on it at all, but it was pure white. He said maybe I felt I had marks on the dress, but I didn't.

Then in the second lesson, we heard a siren go off and were told that it was a tornado warning siren. Within a few minutes we were told that a tornado was destined to hit our area within 12 minutes. Just on Sunday over 130 people were killed in a nearby area called Joplin, which is about three hours south of Kansas City and the tornado also caused absolutely devastating damage to houses, other buildings, trees and cars. So I could sense the fear and anxiety building up in the room. We were instructed to crouch down low and line up along the interior walls of the classroom, well away from the windows.

Of course being in the room with one of the leaders at IHOP, we turned this time into an amazing prayer time. Over 300 students and staff prayed in tongues, read scripture, sang songs and said prayers into the microphone.

Our leader, Corey Stark, shared a testimony about how when he was at the International House of Prayer in Indiana, he received similar news about a tornado about to hit their area. He said he couldn't believe it because it looked so calm and pleasant outside, but then within a few seconds, the sky turned green and they could see this amazing tornado approaching. he said God gave him this amazing boldness and he and two other leaders and three teenage girls stood out in the field and commanded the tornado to pass around their site in Jesus Name. As they stood outside praying, they saw a huge tree get torn out of the ground and fly over their heads, but then sure enough, the tornado missed their site and not a single tree, car, building, person, etc.. was in any way harmed.

Similarly, some students watched the tornado today pass by us. How great is our God!

Then Brooke bought me lunch from a place called Taco Bell and we ate it in the car on the way to the prayer room. In the prayer room, I prayed a lot for my family, friends back home, friends here in KC and myself. Then I felt that I needed to kneel down again at the front of the room and pray, which as usual brought on a flood of tears. Actually, I didn't cry as much as usual. My tears dried up and I only spent about 40 minutes on my knees. I returned to my seat feeling a little self conscious. Then Brooke and I met up outside to go and get the prophetic ministry we had signed up for.

Brooke's 32nd b'day dinner last night

Day off

Well today was our one day off schedule and weirdly enough I again felt that I needed to be in the prayer room, so I got up early and headed out early. I was not hungry so I fasted breaky and I prayed in the spirit on the beautiful walk down through sunshine. I bumped into Zack outside and he asked why I was there at the prayer room and I told him I just felt I was meant to be there. He said he liked that. My prayer time was amazing. I did my confessions, prayed loads of scriptures, emailed friends to receive their prayer points, compiled a document just of prayer points and prayed over each person one by one, I joined rapid fire prayer (praying for governmental leaders in America), went to the cafe where I drank coffee and prayed some psalms over my family, then I went back in and did some study on Revelation for our quiz tomorrow.

When I stood in the rapid fire prayer line, I noticed a guy looking at me. He is a bit taller than me with dark brown hair and blue eyes and glasses. He is one of the worship singers that sings regularly on the stage. He also went to the cafe when I did and opened the door for me and was next to me in the queue. I kind of had the impression he wanted to talk to me, but I felt too shy to talk so I raced outside and then sat on the chairs outside the door of the prayer room drinking my vegetable juice. I saw him open the door to re-enter the room and he looked at me. Haha, oh why do I have some a complex about talking to guys. I have to get over my complex and just make friends with them and treat them like brothers.

The whole idea of marrying an American guy totally freaks me out, but it would make sense if I met my husband at IHOP, I mean where else will I find a guy that is passionate about prayer like I am. Australia has run out of single guys my age, so I figure God must have brought me to this side of the world to partner me up with someone. Oh Lord, thank you that Your mouth has given the order and Your Spirit will gather us together. Your timing is the perfect timing. I know you do not have the same concept of time as we do down here on earth. One day in your time is like a thousand days in mine.

Later Brooke came to get some prayer in the healing rooms and we left afterwards. I asked her what she went up to for prayer and she said her anger and frustration towards classmates. I thought that was absolutely hilarious. I just love her so much as a friend. She is really open and honest about how she feels all the time.

Then we went to Price Choppers and I bought some groceries and then we headed back to her house for lunch. She made me a hot dog and some spinach, broccoli and cheese salad. I was meant to be fasting, but I have noticed I am getting really skinny from all the fasting and I reasoned that I had already had a great morning in prayer, so what the heck? We then went to the all staff meeting, but we snuck out at 5.30pm like naughty little kids :-) I had to go cos I had shopping in Brooke's car and it would have been so challenging to try and get it another day. I am so grateful to Brooke for driving me around. I will have to make some new friends if I do Track II and she goes back to Michigan.

The presence of God

Well this morning we had workmen again, so I couldn't sleep in. Agggh! ...so again, I had a very rushed morning and went down to the prayer room. This time Justin Rizzo was leading worship and just like last Saturday, it was totally amazing. The presence of God was so thick and I sat at a desk, but then felt as though the Holy Spirit was wooing me to kneel at the front of the prayer room again. I was embarrassed to go to the front. There were two big druggy-looking guys on their knees, one covered in tattoos and it was touching to watch them. I wrestled a bit with God and fear of man, but then obeyed the Holy Spirit.

As I knelt down, I felt really shy and awkward and bowed my head low. Almost immediately, God's presence overwhelmed me and I was weeping and weeping and weeping as I prayed again for my family and friends. I couldn't raise my head, I don't know why. I didn't see who was around me, I just looked ahead and saw the worship leader and singers. I only recognised the leader's face because I watched him last Saturday. His worship leading seems to result in the greatest anointing. I knelt and prayed and wept for over an hour, then left the prayer room at 10am and came home cos I wanted to clean myself up.

What's with that? What is God doing in my heart? Why do I have these weird emotional encounters? I wish I was not such a mess, but i can't help it. I love them and everything within me just craves God's presence and nearness, but I hate being unable to control my emotions and not being able to explain to anyone why I am the way I am. I wonder if anyone around me understands what it is like. there must be someone.... oh how I wish God would connect me with them.

Global prayer room day

Today I was rudely rushed out of bed because the workmen who were coming to replace our bedroom doors arrived earlier than expected and we had to be dressed and ready before they came inside! I chucked some clothes on in a hurry, grabbed an apple and raced out the door a bit before 8am. I felt pretty gross, especially because I didn't brush my teeth. Anyway, I walked down to the global prayer room, already deciding in my heart that I would take another personal day - number five of ten available.

I went into the Higher Grounds Cafe and bought a caramel machiato and a blueberry muffin for breaky, which was nice. Then I sat down and saw a guy that does worship and ushering at IHOP. His name is Matt and he's a really lovely guy married to a beautiful hawaiian girl called Tash (that's who the photo is of - Matt and Tash).

He was talking to his friend and the friend was talking almost non-stop about himself. He said how he was 30 and had moved from some other American state where he had been a fitness instructor. He has a gf and was venting his frustration about how IHOP culture is very family orientated, so much so that when people date, everyone assumes they will get married and treats them as though it will happen.

He wanted people to give couples time to get to know each other adequately, instead of pushing them into marriage and talking about kids and related things. He was saying so what if a girl is cute and pretty, blah blah blah, and said some people just say that God showed them their spouse in a dream and blah blah blah.... God knows. What a funny conversation to overhear. Matt was just patiently listening and making the rare contribution. I really like Matt - oh why can't I have a nice funny guy like him.

Anyway, then I saw a little script come up on the screens inviting people for prophetic ministry, so I leapt at the opportunity. In the queue I met a lovely effervescent lady, Laurie. I really liked her as soon as I met her. We went in together and wrote eachother's prophecies.

This is what they gave me:

1^st person

· Matthew 5:9 - Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

· The Lord sees you as a peacemaker. You have a ministry of reconciliation.

· Ephesians 2:14 - for He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation.

· See you working reconciliation between people groups.

· You give wise counsel.

· God using you to bring peace into places that have division. Place in your heart in prayer for this.

2^nd person

· Romans 11:11 - I say then, have they stumbled that they should fall? Certainly not! But through their fall, to provoke them to jealousy, salvation has come to the Gentiles.

· Picture of engrafted branches.

· Salvation to gentiles.

· Along with reconciliation, being one who works toward Israel into the saving knowledge of their Messiah. You will take the blinders off. “Give us eyes to see”.

· Romans 15:5 - 13

3^rd person

· Sense you have a spirit of unity on you when you walked in the room.

· See you as a connector, like how the Internet connects people, you will connect them. See you bringing people who are broken closer together.

· Like-minded people together and to Jesus.

· See you breaking down confusion to bring unity.

· The Lord has planted something in your heart. I see you saying it is really the love of God. The greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul.

· Sense you are in a season of receiving all of His love.

· You are like a rose bud getting ready to blossom. You are already beautiful, and the Lord is pleased with you, but there will be a season of blooming coming.

4^th person

· Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart – there will be a grace upon you to know the peace of God.

It was actually similar to other words I have had spoken over me. I thought it was interesting that the image of the bud, yet to bloom was repeated. That was what Russell Sage said over me at VLC maybe over a year ago. How long does it take for a bud to bloom! I appreciated the prophetic words.

Then I spent the rest of the day praying, reading scripture and doing a little bit of preparation for the Revelation quiz next week. I spent ten hours in the prayer room and it was great. I sent quite a few emails as well to friends back home. I don't really miss home at all, just maybe seeing Angel and caring for mum. I'm really sick of the lies and deception in Julz' life. I just so desperately want to see her set free of the sin she is immersed in.

Thursday

Funny, the last few days I've been feeling quite disgusted by the fact that so many men at IHOP have scruffy unkempt hair and beards. Then last night, I felt as though the lord highlighted one guy to me and told me that the reason he was this way was because he couldn't afford a haircut, or other basic essentials. That was like a bit of a kick in the gut, so this morning I put some cash in an envelope and wrote on a Jeremiah 29:11 letterhead "don't thank me, but thank Jehovah Jireh (your provider) and El shadaii (the God of more than enough)" and I wrote "3 John 2" and "Money for a haircut, etc... haha

:-)". I didn't sign it at all.

I was wondering how on earth I would get it to him without being obvious and then part way through the conference, his friend got up to use the bathroom. I jumped up and caught her in the bathroom. I asked her if she knew him and she said yes and then I asked if she could give it to him and she said yes. I asked her what her name was and told her mine and she took it quietly. That was kind of weird. I'm glad she didn't ask me any questions. I watched as she walked back to her seat and gave it to him. I'm pretty sure he opened it right away. I realised they are very close friends. I didn't see him after that. I felt too awkward looking over at him and he didn't show up at the prayer room later.

Somehow it blessed me inside knowing I had done a small act of generosity that I felt the Lord had led me to do. No one else had any idea and I guess it's just our little secret. It would be really funny if the next time I saw him he had short hair.

At lunch time Martha invited us over to her house and I paid for two pizzas on the way. That was nice.

I entered the prayer room later with joy and had a great afternoon in prayer. I particularly delighted in praying in tongues for about an hour, reading scriptures, standing on the red tape and praying for mothers contemplating abortions and also for those who had already had them, and then participating in the topic of praying for the issue of human trafficking. As I watched different men pray heart-wrenching deep prayers for the victims as well as the perpetrators, my heart was really stirred with emotion. Tears streamed down my face as I agreed in prayer with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I leapt at the invitation to intercede for a city of my choice in any nation - I chose Mexico City having been there only last year. The ten to fifteen second time limit is really not long to cover such a challenging issue. I just thanked the Lord that angels hearken to the Word of God and so I called those things that be not as though they are, and called laborers to preach the gospel, waring angels to fight the battles and guardian angels to lift the women up in their hands so their feet would not strike stones. Short and simple, but a contribution none-the-less. I was sad to see all my fellow students in track 1 leave before the rapid fire line had been called. That's the highlight for me - I just love throwing in my two cents.

Update

On Tuesday I went into the healing rooms for my second time and two ladies prayer for me. I actually was feeling fine, but decided I should receive prayer for burn-out and discouragement and loneliness, which I knew I was feeling days ago. I gave them a brief run-down about how I was an international student from the other side of the world and my family were all living in sin and yet to follow Jesus whole-heartedly and the lack of communication with them was hard and the few emails they sent me broke my heart. I told them about mum's email to me about a kid growing up and there being clips at different ages and then in the end the parent missing the child and how that had just shattered me. The lady said it was just the devil using mum to tear me down emotionally, but in reality, I was called to be an intercessor and was much much more effective here on the other side of the world being spurred to pray at IHOP, than if I had remained in God's way in Australia.

The other lady gave me Matthew 19:29 - "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life". She said I can claim the eternal life for my family and they emphasised how I will receive 100-fold restoration. I don't really understand what exactly that means or how. It made me feel sadder when they gave me that scripture because it made me think more extensively of the things I have given up and how I let go of my house, furniture, job, niece, mother, sister, dogs, etc... all the comforts and stabilities of home. I miss holding my niece and dancing with her in church, but part of me doesn't want to return to the sad and challenging circumstances of life in Oz. It breaks my heart thinking of them all. I know I am at IHOP to help them and somehow I have to trust God to deliver them and be there for them.

At Pure Heart I made more effort to participate and ended up confessing a handful of things like pride, being independent, having a bad attitude towards leaders, gossip, lying, anger, and then God reminded me of the letter I wrote to the wife of a boss I had many years ago who was having an affair. As soon as I confessed what I had done, I felt a dark layer peel off me. After our leader, Hurley, had washed my hands with water and put oil on me to symbolise that I was clean and anointed by God, she prophesied over me. She said I would go to the nations and bring hope to people in crises. She said I would bring peace and that God would use all the hard situations I have overcome to help other people. Onja said I will have discernment. I woke up the next day with peace in my heart. I was deeply grateful for the words of encouragement. I have had similar things prophesied over me, with the exception of the crises, but that makes sense.

On Wednesday, I was on ushering duty and met a young girl called "Dove" who had broken her leg in the prayer room! She was really upset because the chiropractor she had seen the previous night told her that her circulation was terrible and then people had said there was the potential she could have her leg amputated! That sounded a bit overboard. My heart went out to her and I laid hands on her and prayed for healing - I later got in trouble because a guy had entered the women's toilets (it was my duty to prevent that happening!). Anyway, I praised God for Nikki and James who I connected her with after the meeting. They prayed for her and said they would see her again. Then Ryan bought our home group tickets to see a baseball game - we watched the Texan rangers beat the Kansas City Royals.

Habakkuk

Watched David Pawson last night live on webstream and he told us how he was studying the Book of Habakkuk and God gave him the words of a song and then for ages, he just could not put it to music. He shared the words with someone in South Africa and they said the lyrics would match the national anthem perfectly. He asked what the national anthem was and they said it was Beethoven's ‘Ode To Joy' (9th Symphony), but he would have been committing a legal offense if he were to sing this in South Africa.

Subsequently, he went to Zimbabwe, got the words out and the tune and was about to perform it at a pastor's convention when someone told him it was also Zimbabwe's national anthem, so he could not perform it there either! Then he went to England and while he was there, he found out that some tiny church in north england had been given the tune to sing, but no lyrics. The Holy Spirit told them to just sing the tune to "la la la", which sounded silly, so someone in the church wrote some lyrics to it, but then God rebuked the church and told them that He had not given them those words, so they returned to singing "la la la".

Then one day, he was preaching on Habakkuk and how the Lord had given him the lyrics to his song and that it matched the tune of Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy' and the pastor of this little church leapt to his feet and exclaimed how they were the lyrics they had been waiting for :-) Amazing! So God had gifted Beethoven 100's of years ago to write the music for the lyrics. It really is amazing. Here are the lyrics and a link to a website that has the song.

Lord, Your Fame Has Gone Before You

Lord, Your fame has gone before You

From the time Your arm was bared;

Tales of deeds so overwhelming,

Even listening makes me scared!

Now, today, O Lord, repeat them,

Prove that You are still the same -

But in wrath remember mercy

For the honour of your name.

Look! This holy God descending

Spreads the sky with glorious rays

Trailing from His hand of power -

Earth is filled with sounds of praise.

But the guilty nations tremble,

Plague and pestilence their fears;

Even ancient mountains crumble

When the infinite appears.

Are You angry with the rivers?

Is Your wrath upon the streams?

Do You rage against the ocean

With Your horse and chariot teams?

Writhing hills and flooded valleys,

Sun and moon stand still with fear

At the glint of flying arrows,

Lightning of Your flashing spear.

Striding through the earth in vengeance,

Threshing nations till it's done -

All to save Your chosen people,

Rescue Your anointed one!

You have crushed the wicked leader

Stripped him bare and split his head:

So his storming, gloating warriors

Scatter to the wind instead.

Having heard the final outcome,

Knowing all and not just part,

Great emotion grips my body,

Quivering lips and pounding heart,

Trembling legs give way beneath me -

Yet with patience will I wait

When the foe invades my country,

Certain of his dreadful fate.

Though the fig tree does not blossom

And the vine is void of grapes,

Though the olive-trees are barren

And the fields produce no crops,

Though no lambs are in the sheep-fold

And no cattle in the stall -

Yet will I enjoy my Saviour

Glad that God is all in all.

Joyfully I face the future

With my failing strength restored

And my angry questions answered

By this marvellous Sovereign Lord.

See my heart and feet are leaping

Like a deer upon the heights!

Set my words to holy music,

Voices and stringed instruments.

A word in season

"Though the fig tree may not blossom,

Nor fruit be on the vines;

Though the labor of the olive may fail,

And the fields yield no food;

Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,

And there be no herd in the stalls—

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will joy in the God of my salvation.

The LORD God is my strength;

He will make my feet like deer’s feet,

And He will make me walk on my high hills".

[Habakkuk 3:17-19]

Sweet aroma

"For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing" [2 Corinthians 2:15]

Day out of schedule # 4

Taking another day off - we get ten days off in this internship and we're somewhere around week 5 or 6, so i figure I may as well have another one. Been sitting in the Global Prayer Room since 8am-ish. The worship has been amazing with Justin Rizzo leading it. I wish he was on when we are actually scheduled to be in here. I am just going to chill in the GPR all day - I just need the anointing and peace that's in here to permeate my heart and mind. Spent over an hour just sobbing before the Lord and pleading my case with all my prayer points for freedom and liberty to be granted to my family. I noticed when I am reduced to sobbing people all around me just clear out. I kind of wish someone would sit or kneel beside me and put their arm around me and contend for those who are perishing in my family... but no, here they encourage you to lean totally on God and trust in Him to comfort you.

I love the friends He has brought me, but I really want more whole-hearted worshipping brothers and sisters who are passionate about prayer who will stand with me. Is that too much to ask?

Day out of schedule

Today I took a personal day - we are allowed to take ten, I have already had two cos I got sick earlier in the term. Anyway, was just feeling so burnt out and it was nice to sleep in and then have a long hot shower. By midday, I felt a burden to go to the prayer room and pray for my family. I walked in and it was packed, so it was hard to find a seat. I finally decided on the very front row next to Brooke. I dropped to my knees and once again, the Lord met me there.

His presence overwhelmed me as I sobbed for over an hour and interceded and prayed for everything making my heart heavy, mainly my family. I love them so much and so desperately want to see them set free. I felt really self-conscious up the front as I knew there were lots of people looking at me, but I just felt I was meant to be there. I don't know why Jesus likes to kneel at the front of the room in front of me while I am a wreck. I just know He does and He loves me and has time to listen to my prayers. He promised that He will perfect ALL that concerns me and that those who sow in tears will reap in joy.

New friends in Kansas City

Loving my new friends and new life. On Monday I hung out with Brooke, Jess, Trevor and MaryGrace. We had a ball!

Praise God

Feeling really flat today - gonna take tomorrow off classes and just chill out and have a day away. In answer to prayer, mum actually let Julz into her house on Mother's day with Angel and Lars and they stayed for two hours. Julz sent me an email telling me so and also mentioned that she didn't feel mum loved her or wanted to see her, but that she was doing it for Angel. She said Angel was very happy to see mum and kept asking her to take her to see the peacocks.

God is so good. I'm so grateful to God. Makes me want to pray more.

In the secret place

Today I fasted from food and in the morning during our teaching session, I felt as though the Holy Spirit told me to go to the prayer room later in the afternoon and kneel at the front of the room. It was funny because I walked right up to the front of the prayer room but really struggled to get down on my knees today because i felt a bit uncomfortable at the very front of the room, as few people were at the front and those who were there, were sitting in chairs. However, it was like i just HAD to get down because i just felt the Lord wanted me to so strongly.

As soon as i knelt down, i felt as though a soft blanket was being wrapped around me and this incredible warmth came over me and i could feel God's presence so strongly and as though He was waiting for me to open my mouth and ask Him for things in prayer. Streams of tears just poured down my face as i prayed and interceded for lots of people. Before I knew it, an hour had passed and my team leader was nudging my arm and telling me that we had a team meeting, so i had to leave. I felt like it had been such a powerful time in prayer. I'm realising that God delights in hearing us pray. His heart is really soft and often i feel as though i am holding His hands in front of me. He is such a caring, sensitive and compassionate God. There really is none like Him.

My IHOP Track 1 Home Group

L-R: Kathleen, Lindsey, John, Zack, Ryan, Martha, Me, Neville, Morgan and Brooke.