Lunch with the munchkins

Had lunch with Julz today and the babies. Gosh, I have the cutest niece and nephew ever. 1/4 Eurasian kids are gorgeous!

Another day

Been feeling quite emotional at nights. Last night i crashed at mum's house because I took her shopping and felt so tired afterwards, I didn't feel like driving home. She looked me in the face this morning and told me whenever she looks at me, my eyes look swollen and thinks the hayfever must be really bad. I don't even get hayfever. It's because i've been bawling my eyes out thinking about how I can't even tell my family I am leaving. It breaks my heart and I just feel so sad about the whole thing, how my family is so broken and how I am the link between mum and Julz and how Angel clings to me and wont have a play home here anymore because I am letting go of the house. Somehow I have to let go of them all in order to spend time with God and then He will fix up everything that concerns me. Why do some people have it so easy, being born into wonderful caring loving families where everything is stable and functional.

Done!

Posted my application today by fast post, guaranteed to get to USA in two to four days. It was not cheap - $42.45!!!

My car is loaded up now with books and bookshelves. Going to start moving a few things to Kristin's folks' house today. Going over there for dinner tonight. Bless their hearts.

New house

Had a chat to Kristin's mum today and she said I am welcome to start moving stuff into her house tomorrow. Oh what a huge blessing and what a relief. She said she will adopt me as her daughter and cook me meals. Why do some people have such great families, while others have the hardest, most challenging and dysfunctional ones.

I found out last night that I would need to be at IHOP 14 January 2011, because the internship I want to do has two phases. If I commence 8 April 2011, then I would have to wait until the following year to do the other half of the internship. If I commence 14 January 2011, then I can do the second phase of the internship starting 8 April 2011. That makes more sense. Maybe that's why God told me so early (3wks later), seeing I was not expecting to hear from Him about direction for my life until at least two months had passed after Mexico.

I am excited but scared at the same time. Julz asked me to have coffee with her this Thursday - maybe that's God setting up a special time for me to tell her. Oh I really don't want her to freak out. Lord I commit my meeting with Julz to you. She only just told me yesterday how much she appreciates me and how i'm the only family member she feels close to. I feel so bad for the impact my move may have on Angelina - it breaks my heart to think of her coming to an empty house and feeling sad I am no longer around for so long. Somehow I have to let go.

Then there's mum. I love her so much, but it is so hard relating to her and she lives alone and has cut off so many people from her life because she doesn't trust them. Fear has affected her life and it increases as she watches the news and reads the papers. One day she will be set free... I cannot imagine her digesting my move to the other side of the world too well :-( Then there's my gorgeous Marshall who I love so much. Oh, too hard to fathom it all.

Somehow the sacrifices will be worth it as I put my trust in God and obey Him.

Application completed

So I have done everything within my ability to do now on the application. This is the photo of myself that I pasted into the application. I typed up my responses to their questions last night and printed them out at Officeworks and then I got the bank to stamp a form saying I had adequate finances to support my studies. I am now just waiting for Ps Judy and Tammy to finish their pastoral and personal references about me, which they'll give back to me on the weekend (fingers crossed).

Today I had the brainwave of advertising to sell some of my stuff on the Quokka. It's free and much less time consuming than eBay.

Acceleration

Funny how one encounter with someone in the wrong frame of mind can suddenly motivate you. Today Julz rang me up and made no logical sense in accusing me of mistreating Angelina. I was so shocked and had no idea what she was talking about. My niece loves me and she means the world to me. Why in the world would I do that? It just goes to show how stressed and overworked she is. She is definitely not thinking straight because her speech made no sense to me whatsoever. It only made me realise how much I need to get over to IHOP and pray up a storm with like-minded believers.

Mum also had a go at me today about finances and what I was doing with my life and she sent me a horrible jumbled email, which she also sent to Julz. Maybe that's what got Julz so worked up. I am really hoping it didn't make it through, though, because mum accidentally missed off the first letter of her email address. Please dear Lord don't let it get to Julz.

So the process of clearing out my unit has accelerated and I am now going to type up my testimony and response to other things they asked.

Gday

No blog for ages, now posting overkill! Ha!

Well last night I had a dream I got into a car with two very attractive people, a guy and a girl who looked like models, but who were actors. They were dressed up as batman and batgirl and removed their face masks as I sat down. I knew they were a couple, though not married. The girl told me she disliked Christians and then asked me if I was one. As I opened my mouth, words came out and I found myself saying that I embrace Christian values and I stand up for integrity and purity and righteousness.... the more I spoke, I could see the two people were softening to me and it was like I had special favor with them. I was confident and bold and my desire was to lead them to salvation. Where did that come from?!?!?!

Today I had a dear friend from Bible college over for lunch - Helen and her two daughters. I really enjoyed talking to Helen. We are like-minded and it was nice to hang out with her. I made them pastry triangles filled with chicken, cashews, garlic, mushrooms and spring onions, served with a fresh salad. Then I baked them an apricot pie. It was absolutely delicious.

Well I feel great about IHOP - I finally feel I have a sense of vision. Strangely, I am finding it really difficult to motivate myself to finish the application though. Helen watched the IHOP promo video and a couple of their prayer room worship songs and said she could see me there, that it was me!

Kristin sent me a text today saying she wanted to meet up with me to pray over soul ties she had with Christine and Tim because she was finding it really hard getting over their friendships. Funny, I found myself advising her it was not a soul tie issue, but rather comparable to when we have friends or parts of us that don't bear fruit and they are pruned out of our lives - like a branch on a tree that doesn't bear fruit is cut and the remaining tree needs to heal. It hurts because they were things we held close to our hearts and no matter how much we try to cut soul ties, we really just need time to recover. Kristin thanked me for my advice and said she really appreciated it. I was a bit surprised myself actually - it had to be God's advice, not mine! I was like, where did that come from?!?!?

Born ready!

So today I officially commenced the application process for IHOP. I had a closer look at the information they put on their website and it turns out that as interns, you are not allowed to have a part-time job. I emailed the office and they said they are willing to pick you up from the airport for a nominal fee and also to help you with finding another international student to share accommodation. I figure that's the cheaper option and if I can live with 23 people in a house in Mexico and 20 girls in one bedroom in Australia for three months each, then I can handle sharing a two-bedroom unit with one person in America! I think I would rather share a house than live alone.

Ps Judy agreed to be my pastoral referee and now I am looking for a personal referee. I was hoping for Wendy, but I know she is moving house at the moment and things are pretty crazy for her now. I guess I will just wait because I don't know who else to ask.

It says on the website that they require you to submit your application three months before you intend to do the internship, so I will have to apply for the April 2011 start date. When I think about that, it is actually much more reasonable anyway, because January 2011 would be too soon for mum and Julz to digest and April 2011 gives me ample time to plan and save more money. God is so good to me. I have already stashed up half of fees in a telenet savings account.

I am planning on walking into Woodside and asking for some temp work next week. I dunno why, I just keep getting that company name in my mind. Is it me or the Holy Spirit? Well, I'll see.

I am going to sell my beloved rollerblades on eBay.

IHOP

Last night I spoke to Ps Judy and Ps Anne about IHOP. They were really excited about it and said if they were able, they would go. Apparently the prayer tour to South Korea was cancelled and Ps Anne was saying they felt maybe they should be planning to go to IHOP in Kansas City instead. She said IHOP are planning a conference in Perth next year, which is very exciting.

Last night I was listening to some of the worship songs played in the IHOP prayer room and the first one linked below really touched me. Every time I play it I find myself weeping - there is such an anointing on the song and it deeply ministers to me. I am so grieved by my family, the fact that their busy schedules are robbing them of appreciating life and soaking in God's presence.

Song 1

Song 2

Plans to go overseas again

Yesterday I had a really great day with Angelina and mum, and then in the evening I rang up Julz and asked if she would like me to take Angelina overnight. When I rang her, she sounded really tired and angry and told me to go to her house straight away and drop Angelina off to Grunde. So I bundled our little princess into the car and dropped her home at about 7.30pm. When we came near the house, Angelina started crying and when Grunde took her from me said started howling "nooooo". I left feeling really heartbroken. She clearly loves me and didn't want to be with Grunde all alone. All kinds of negative thoughts flooded my mind about why that could be the case.

On the way home, Julz sent me a nasty text message blaming me for all the troubles she has with Angelina and it made me realise how distorted her perspective has become and how stressed and overworked she is. She doesn't realise I am blessing her child, sowing God's Word into her and offering Angelina peace and stability, such a stark contrast from what she is offering Angelina in leaving her with a dodgy guy who has no idea how to look after children and wearing herself out to get rich, while totally neglecting the precious children God has blessed her with. Julz is working 7.00am to 8.00pm four days a week and is a wreck on the days between her work days. It breaks my heart. I had forgotten how bad things were.

As I left I felt to pray in the Spirit and just cried all the way home. When I got home, I felt led to research the International House Of Prayer (IHOP) because it is filled with like-minded prayer warriors - people passionate about prayer and intercession. As I looked into the internships, my heart was just craving to do one. As I watched the video on the internships page, I just soaked in every second and imagined how amazing it would be to go there. I closed the page and thought about how much it would hurt mum and Julz if I left again and I thought about the impact on Angelina. My heart just wept.

Then I went to bed and realised how much my family have stood in my way of fulfilling my dreams and visions and walking in my ministry. I thought about how I had laid down my career three years ago to serve God and how hard that had been. I thought about every relationship I have withdrawn from because God told me to and because I loved God more than the guys and wanted to obey Him and fulfill His will in my life. I thought about my time in Mexico and how much I loved it. All night I tossed and turned and wept with a heavy heart.

This morning I planned to spend the whole day in prayer, but after an hour of praying in the Spirit God told me to go to the 10.30am service at VLC and as I sat there, I saw Ps Barb and God told me to go and see her. I told her about Mexico and how amazing it had been and I told her how dry and empty I feel now and how I don't know where I am headed. She said God told her to tell me to follow my heart. She asked what was in my heart and I told her about IHOP and how I dreamed of going there. She said that as I said that she felt the Holy Spirit saying to go. She told me to put aside my family's demands and move on with God. She pointed out that I am single, have no spouse, career, commitments, etc... holding me back and while I had the savings stored up, why not go. She said many people came to her with their plans and she felt an uneasiness within her about their plans, but not with me. She said she would love to come with me, that America is amazing and she knew I would love it. Her two sons are there and don't want to return to Australia. I know I need to follow God. I know I will find the like-minded people I've been needing in my life.

It bothers me that so many people in YWAM think I pray because I have a special call or something in that area. God's people are destroyed through lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). We are all called to prayer. It takes discipline and requires a lot of sacrifice for everyone. It's a choice we all need to make.

Later, I was going to catch up with Netty, but I felt God lead me to the Overflow Cafe to see Kristin. She is stirring up prayer meetings, praying in the Spirit on Wednesday nights at the cafe and having soaking sessions at her house. It was actually really awesome seeing her again and sharing the concerns in our hearts and the trials we have been through. I stayed for lunch and coffee and headed home feeling refreshed. I am working in the bookshop tonight with Netty.

New day

Well today is a beautiful spring day in Perth and I woke up and decided I am going to fast Facebook for a while and focus on God. So I grabbed some books, my Bible, elements for Communion and some breaky and headed to the park near my house with a picnic mat. Then I had two hours of God time. I needed that. One of the Scriptures that leapt out at me was James 1:5 which says that if any of you lack wisdom then you should ask God for it and He will give you wisdom liberally and w/o reproach. In Rick Renner's book called Sparkling Gems, it was saying that you may lack wisdom for your future, and that's exactly my situation! I have no idea where I'm headed now.

It is such a weird feeling being back in Perth and back living at my unit after six months absence. I am a little annoyed at Sarah because not only did she miss paying a week of rent and raked up $50 worth of mobile phone calls on my landline, but she also seems to have pinched a few things - like my three tupperware bowls, my shiny black work shoes, my blue star-shaped chopping board ... and Julz said the real estate company advised that she used quadruple the amount of water than I would use in the same period of time.

Gotta move on I guess. Life is too short for embracing offences.

Heart breaking

Today I drove up to Juliet's house to get a script off her and I saw my beautiful little niece and nephew. When I went to leave Angel started crying and getting all upset, putting her face in the couch and pounding her little fists. Julz told me she cried for 30 minutes after I left. Apparently, she does that each time I leave her home. She doesn't do that when anyone else leaves, but I guess I did go away for three months. So I am really touched that she obviously loves me so much and enjoys spending time with me, but really gutted that she thinks I may not come back. Oh, how do I explain things to a two year old.

Back in Oz

So back in Autumn I signed up for a six month adventure, which included going overseas to live in Mexico for three months. That adventure has now ended and I have been back for just over two weeks! Nice to be back home, but I feel kind of weird and unsettled, not sure what God has in mind for my future. Who knows what lies just around the corner.

My laptop died on the way to Mexico, so I was unable to go on the Internet as much as I wanted to. I cam home and was so frustrated I bought a new Macbook, which is what everyone seems to have these days. Today I rang up 3, the Internet company I have had a mobile broadband internet account with and they managed to talk me through changing the settings on my new computer to get the stick to work on this laptop. Woooo hoo, so I finally have wireless at home again. Praise the Lord.

Since I've been back, I realise my heart has been broken repetitively in Mexico and I keep having flashbacks of hurting and broken people we ministered to in Mexico. I feel like I have had heart surgery and Ps Judy suggested I might need a month to recover. No one else seems to be going through what I am, but I think it's because I was so burdened to pray and intercede while I was there and I threw myself into it whole-heartedly each day.

So glad to see my big boofy Marshall again. He had a lot to say to me when I first went to see him after being away for so long :-)

Evangelism in Mexico

Living in Mexico City

Hola, como estas? .... so here i am just over four weeks into living in Mexico, or rather "Me-hee-co" as the locals call it! It is absolutely brilliant, apart from the tragic fact that my laptop and convertor simply do not get along and so I haven't been able to use my own laptop and have relied on everyone else to lend me theirs! Urrrrggghhhh

Anyways, I am very blessed because our team (of about ten different teams) has the best accommodation with bunk beds, hot showers and unlimited wireless Internet. We live in Cuauhtemoc, which is in the heart of Mexico City. We have a great team and are currently attending the Global Youth Outreach - which is an annual evangelism event for youth. It is all week.

I am picking up lots of Spanish and have made lots of Mexican friends. Very exciting :o)

Adopted little sister

Last week I met this beautiful Chinese girl who is now sleeping in the bunk above me in YWAM. She has just returned from three months in Mexico City. I just love her - I know God has put her across my path as a divine connection just for a brief moment in time - we have two weeks overlap before she heads home and I head to Mexico City for three months. So far I have prayed for her three times and I bought her a copy of a wonderful prayer confession book that has really helped me. She is an only child, due to the single child policy in China and her dad is not a Christian, which makes things tough. I am teaching her spiritual warfare. I feel like she is a little sister to me.

Answered prayer

God is so good. Yesterday I went to my niece's 2nd b'day and one of the couples at the party go to Without Walls - like MY CHURCH!!! It turns out the lady is a patient of Julz. That was an answer to a prayer, having asked God to bring divine friendships into her life. Praise the Lord.

Last weekend, I went to the shops at Broadway Fair with Angelina and heard the sound of praise and worship, so we went up to the top floor and it turned out to be a small charismatic/pentacostal Asian church which sings songs I am familiar with. As we walked in 15 minutes late, I felt like crying - the warmth of the Holy Spirit and His sweet anointing overwhelmed me. I held back tears and we sat at the back. The worship time was excellent, but I didn't stay for the service. I told mum about it and yesterday, I asked her if she would like to come with me next time and she said YES (to my great surprise). So today, I picked up Angelina early and then picked up mum and we went. What was truly amazing is Angelina very happily went off with a young man called Singh and joined the kid's program.

I asked the guy if she could go with the handful of kids and he said "will she not cry?" and I said "no" and then he asked if she would mind being away from me, and I said "no". As he took her in his arms, she smiled and I watched him carry her down the three flights of stairs. When he got to the bottom, I was amazed at how happy she seemed and he looked up at me and half grinned. During the service, I was kind of expecting someone to come and get me or to see Angel's face enter the door, but 1.5hrs passed and no one came into the service. Finally, I saw her little face - it turns out she had a great time. Another guy, Ben, said he was amazed how at ease she was with a bunch of complete strangers and he said she had to be the most obedient child he has ever seen. He said they taught the kids about how Jesus takes on their burdens and illustrated it with a bag that they put heavy things into. She apparently sat still the whole time and watched in amazement.

After the service, mum, Angelina and I stayed and ate lunch together. It was just so lovely to have some fellowship. I was really amazed at how mum stayed around to chat. The people were all very friendly and knew about spiritual warfare and prosperity. The pastor's wife told us that her daughter did a DTS at YWAM and the outreach was to China and she decided to stay in China a few more years and ended up marrying an American guy and they now have a 6mth old Eurasian boy who looks more Caucasian. Very interesting.

After I dropped off mum, I prayed all the way home through tears. I was reminded of my prayers and just knew deep in my heart that God had answered my prayers about my family. Somehow it is all going to be ok. Not sure how, but it will be.

Bday at YWAM

Mark just sent me the piccies from my bday - really blessed me. So these are the special seven friends that celebrated my bday with me at YWAM.

Bday party for me

After the Friday night meeting, Paddy came up to me and said that he felt God told him to come and pray for me, so he waited on the Lord, then had a vision of me doing some prophetic dancing and he said He felt God wanted to release the gift of prophetic dancing in me! ...and that it would break spiritual pride off people. He also prayed that I personally would see 250 salvations in Mexico. How interesting.

Kristin threw a party for me last night which was really cool and Isaac, James, Jill, Andrew and Nika joined us....also two other girls from YWAM who I have never really spoken to. There were quite a few people. I was very touched that Kristin went out of her way to buy nice food and a fancy caramel mudcake for me. Praise the Lord. We had a great time. We only got home around 1.00am and I went to bed about 2.00am.

My bday yesterday

So yesterday was my birthday and for the first time in a long time, I had a really great day. Funny, I was previously nervous about celebrating my birthday in YWAM style (i.e. communal, with seven friends on your table, with the traditional YWAM bday song being sung over you and the requirement to give a speech), but I had the deepest peace inside me all day and I just felt so at ease.

I decided that I would honor each of my guests (Mark, Tammy, Sarah, Andrew, Karen, Bev and Wendy) by introducing them and telling everyone a little bit about them..... so this is roughly what I said:

"Good evening everyone. Thanks for celebrating my birthday with me. I can't say I have every had a birthday quite like this one, being communal-style and it being my first YWAM birthday! I want to thank everyone on my DTS and the associated schools for making my time here more enjoyable....and I also want to thank my seven special guests who made the extra effort to come in and celebrate my birthday. They represent a wider group of amazing friends that God has blessed me with. Because they made the effort to come in today, I want to honor each one of them by telling you a little bit about each one. So starting with Mark (who was holding video camera):

• Mark had gotta be one of the most easy-going, friendliest, sociable people I know. He is part of many different social group and part of a group of friends we have called the "down south crew" who like to head down south to various country locations and have these amazing praise and worship and fellowship times. I really appreciate Mark's friendship;
• Tammy and I met at Bible college and worked in a church bookshop for over two years. Tammy is young and yet she has spiritual maturity and wisdom well beyond her years. She is one of the most loyal, faithful and sweetest friends I have;
• Sarah is currently renting the place I was living in just before I started my DTS. She has been through comparable trials and challenges than I have and so she can empathise with what I've gone through. She is an overcomer and more than a conqueror through God and she is someone I talk to what I'm going through issues - she always knows exactly what to say and what to pray. She's a powerful prayer warrior and I really appreciate her;
• Andrew is someone who many people view as a spiritual father. He is a great leader too and has an incredible ability to analyse problems, break them down and come up with solutions. He is an amazing role model and mighty man of God;
• Karen, his beautiful wife, and Bev are two mighty women of God. They are both powerful women of God. We used to be part of an intercessory prayer team through Bible College who would get together on a weekly basis and pray for students who were struggling. The way I pray today is a reflection of what I have learnt from them both. They are powerful prayer warriors who have moved many mountains and obstacles in the spiritual realm;
• Finally Wendy is one of my favorite role models and mentors. Wendy has also been through similar trials to me and has overcome them. She has a great marriage and three Godly children and I have had the privilege of sitting in her home so many times and seeing how she resolves conflicts and lives a great life with her family. When I get to that stage in my life, I want to be just like her.

The thing that I like about all these people sitting on my table is they all have the gift of encouragement on their lives. They are the sort of people who make you feel great in their presence. They build you up, comfort you, edify you and speak words of life to you. Some time ago, many years ago, i went through a really lonely time in my life and someone taught me to pray Romans 4:17 over my life. It says to call those things that be not as though they are - and I have used this Scripture to call divine friendships, words of encouragement, finances, resources, waring angels to fight the battle for me and protect me. The friendships I have in my life today are a testimony of God's goodness and His faithfulness to is promises.

...and just in regard to wisdom, I just want to say don't let age, race, gender, culture, social status or language barriers be a hindrance to making friendships because you can learn a lot from every person you meet. They all have so much to teach you.

Thanks for making my birthday so special" :-)