Moving on

Well the more I contemplate it, the more I feel like pursuing it - a DTS at Youth With A Mission (YWAM). I mean, I could not in my own mind possibly want to do it as an alternative to earning big bucks in a mining company or somewhere else in the marketplace. It must be from God.

Especially with the communal-style accomodation arrangement in bunk beds. I was talking to a girl on the phone today and she said there are 24 bunk beds (i.e. 48 beds) and three showers and four toilets in one building that the girls share. You get up and have to be at the base by 8.00 am where you do duties until 8.30 am. Then eat breaky, then go into intercession/praise & worship, then lectures, then lunch, then duties, then free time for 2.5hrs, then dinner and lectures or meetings. She said she only had Wed night off. Friday night you are expected to be at the meeting until 9.00 pm or 9.30 pm. Apparently, it is VERY full on!

Wendy's words Thursday night pierced my heart - that love is not being controlled by someone, having the absence of freedom to go o/s and feeling obligated to do stuff for them when other people my age are living life the way God intended it. She said I need to accept that I may never have mum's blessing, so it's not like doing things for her will achieve it. She said I am an adult and I need to have my freedom. There will always be situations in my family that require attention and that I could always assist with, but I need to cut the soul ties and move on. No matter how hard it is to do, I need to do it.

The YWAM course comprises three months of lectures based in Perth and then three months o/s, during which time I would not be able to see mum at all (obviously). There are many different nations I could potentially go to. There is a school starting April or one starting July, but I'm feeling like I should be in the April one. Well Julz seems to be unwilling to push Kylie's start date later and consequently, I would not have a job between when Julz has the baby to July when I would start at YWAM. Therefore, it seems logical to start April. It concerns me that Julz will be having her second child and Grunde really is truly hopeless when it comes to looking after babies.... but I have to move on. There will always be things like this.

Anyway, with the April school, it would mean that I would do my lecture phase April, May and June in Perth, then miss the rest of winter, possibly to go to Mexico with 100 other students and staff. That sounds much more appealing then starting July and doing lectures in July, August and September when it is freezing and wet.

I guess I have already jumped over a big milestone in moving out of mum's house last year. Now is time to jump over another big milestone. I figure I could always see mum weekends at least for the first three months... and three months o/s is really only 12 weeks, which is a small amount of time in the larger scheme of things.

Now I am seeling anything of value in my house that I can through eBay. I realise things really don't have a hold of me anymore. I've got some of the Versace products Julz gave me, two pairs of shoes and a handbag. I can't say I have ever really appreciated the demonic medusa head that is a trademark of Versace It is engraved on the base of the shoes and all inside the handbag. Yuckkkkk - and people pay a lot for these products!

New season

I sense I am on the verge of entering into a new season of my life.

One of my gfs from Bible College stayed at my house over the weekend and then moved into YWAM, where she will be working on staff in the kindy. The house she is staying in has eleven other girls. It is an absolutely beautiful renovated old building on Bulwer St in Highgate that is owned by YWAM. It has three bedrooms each with two bunk beds, two toilets, one shower and a large leafy backyard. I know it will be a huge adjustment for her because she has had her own room in a large rental property she shared with only one other person and she has accumulated a lot of stuff, which doesn't all fit into the room she has to share with three other girls. She is fortunate though that all the other girls in the house are very beautiful girls, like herself, who are conscious about hygiene and beauty! They all have their straighteners and hair products. They are all Caucasian - Americans, Irish and German, except one from India (who looks more like a mix anyway). They all seem so lovely and people I can see myself as befriending.

Anyway, the whole experience of helping Nat get settled has impacted me a lot. It was so exciting thinking she is moving into a house with girls who have laid down their careers, selfish ambitions and family& friends relationships to whole-heartedly serve Jesus. What a change from hanging out with people who have one or both feet in the world. Something in me wants to hang around them more and I feel a need to have a break from W/o Walls for a while and go to YWAM meetings instead. I don't have any friends at W/o Walls who are totally on fire for God.

I have this inkling inside that maybe God wants me to be part of YWAM somehow. It is like there is an electric current charging around the room in the praise and worship meetings - more so than VLC or W/o Walls. People are hungry and united in their focus - to preach the Gospel and make disciples in all nations. I like the fact that there are lower numbers of Africans and higher numbers of Caucasian nationalities. Last night at the meeting I went to with Nat, I just felt like I belonged. So many nations represented. The meeting was jam-packed because this week they are celebrating the 50-year anniversary of YWAM and 25-year anniversary of Perth YWAM. I think someone said about 700 people have swarmed in from all over the world because in some way they have been linked to YWAM.

Apparently a DTS is a 6-month committment. Far out. Long time. The first three months is based in Perth. Then the next three months you go out on missions trips. Why does that scare me so much! I guess I am not ready to let go yet. I am concerned for my dear mother. I want to know she will be ok.

Praise God for Wendy

I have recently connected with Wendy from W/o Walls who I can see as a great new mentor for me. She is absolutely awesome and came around for coffee a couple of weeks ago. I just love her and really feel a deep connection with her because she understands brokenness and dysfunctional families and what it is like to have people in your life who act and speak totally differently in the presence of other people. One minute angry, the next minute sweet and nice. I chatted to her for about three hours.

Her dad was an alcoholic who abused her mum. Their house was full of anger and violence and God has worked it all out - not the way she wanted, but she said she learnt to accept that she will never get the family she wants from them. She has only had peace in her life for the last five years. She is 45 now. She is married to a really stable nice guy, Craig, and they have three beautiful Godly children. I really admire her and just sent her a message to arrange another coffee sesh with her.

Kristin just left for Thailand yesterday. I am actually quite relieved to have a break from her. It annoys me that she has openly shared my life with others. Christine, her mentor, came and hugged me one day in church and wouldn't let go, choosing to start praying for me without asking for my permission. It was hot and I really didn't appreciate it. That was what made me realise how much Kristin has shared with her. I almost feel like Kristin has betrayed my confidence and I am starting to realise more and more that she says a lot of negative things about people, then to their face she is sweet as candy. I don't like that double-sided nature. I really need a good break from her. She'll be back just before her birthday on 7 Feb.

My Father loves me!

Yesterday I spent 8 hours praying in the Spirit. I tried to stop and watch a DVD, but I only got a little way into it before I felt this pressing need to turn it off and keep praying. I wish I knew what exactly I was praying for - I am guessing my future. Anyways, on the way to the Tent Crusade, I was feeling a little bit down and I started saying "God, is it really that much to ask that I have just one family member take an interest in my life and actually give some indication that they belive in me?".

After Kristin and I had made lots of balloon art for the kids, we went into praise and worship and some old lady came and whispered in my ear - "I heard the Lord say that you have a beautiful heart and He is well pleased with you and to stay close to Him". Today it suddenly hit me that God told that lady to say that to me because of what I had mumbled in the car on the way there! Having a sweet word of encouragement from God is better than anyone else saying nice things to me.

Today Angelina fell asleep and, as usual, I anointed her with oil, laid hands on her and prayed God would heal her. Then I asked God to reveal Himself to her and despite what the circumstances appear like now, that she would have a great future and know God and hear His voice and know His plans for her in a really deep way and know the height, the width, the depth and the breath of His love for her, that she would feel the warmth of His embrace and His presence. As I was praying that, I sensed the Holy Spirit was with me, like He was kneeling beside me and praying with me too. It was just so lovely.

The manifold presence of God is just so refreshing and comforting. If people just knew that God is real and can manifest Himself to them, they would put aside everything in their lives and pursue Him. He is so worth pursuing whole-heartedly.

The battle belongs to the Lord

About nine years ago, my mum survived the hardest ordeal and after learning how to walk and talk again, found herself singing this song in the middle of the night. Last night, God reminded her that her calling is to be a warrior for Christ and fight in the spirit realm. She remembered this song again. Breakthrough is coming to my family!

The Battle Belongs To The Lord

In heavenly armor we'll enter the land,
The battle belongs to the Lord.
No weapon that's fashoned against us will stand,
The battle belongs to the Lord.

And we sing glory, honor, power and strength to the Lord,We sing glory, honor, power and strength to the Lord.

When the power of darkness comes in like a flood,
The battle belongs to the Lord.
He'll raise up a standard, the power of His blood,
The battle belongs to the Lord.

When Your enemy presses in hard, do not fear,
The battle belongs to the Lord.
Take courage, my friend, your redemption is near,
The battle belongs to the Lord.

My beautiful niece :-)

*** HAPPY NEW YEAR! ***

Went to a party last night - just a small gathering of mainly church people, which was lovely. It was meant to be a pool party starting from 4pm. However, it was too cold to swim and I arrived at 4.30pm, while the next person only came at 6.30pm! It didn't bother me though. Kylie and her sister, Jenny, are so easy-going and accommodating. I still can't over how different her sister is to her. Kylie said she is the tomboy in her family, whereas her sister is the pretty, feminine one. She is not saved yet and works as a steward for lots of different functions with very wealthy businessmen and famous people, predominantly from Thailand and other Asian countries. I just loved talking talking to her. She is only 22 and obvsiously a sanguine. Talks non-stop and is full of fun and bubbliness.

Anyways, here are the piccies from last night, as well as a couple of Angelina that I took earlier in the week that I had forgotten about.

A better day

I have spent much of the day in prayer - like probably about 8 or 9 hours now!!! I've been on the computer during some of the time, turning my collection of graduation ceremony photos into collages, which I posted on Facebook. It's funny how God has given me a creative side to my personality. Anyway, here are the nine collages I put together.

Graduation Ceremony

Well last night was the graduation ceremony and I was feeling utterly miserable because mum was just awful the day before and Julz had some work function on and Kristin didn't make it. I was just feeling so sad because mum's words really hurt me. Everyone else was so excited and all the locals had their supportive families. The internationals have loving families at home, so none seemed discouraged. I kind of wish I hadn't attended. I only went because Kristin's parents said they would come. Bless their precious souls.

Anyway, I forced myself to attend and then there wasn't a gown or hat for me because somehow Gail had missed putting mine in. That didn't actually bother me. Anyway, then we got all dressed up and took silly photos. I told a few people that I felt like i'd been punched in my gut and shared my grief. Then during the praise and worship all these tears kept pouring out of my eyes. It didn't help that I was in the very front row!!! I think the guest speaker (Mark Conner) noticed, but no one else seemed to pay any attention. It was so hard pushing them back in my eyes and holding myself together. Then we did the "walk up on the stage individually" bit and had our photos taken with the guest speaker. I couldn't help feeling down.

Afterwards, Kristin's faithful parents accompanied me to the Greaves room - we were the first to arrive. I introduced them to everyone as my adopted parents ... well not really that many people. I did, however, introduce them to Ps Barbara, who is my favorite teacher and I told her what had happened the previous day. She told me she had to withdraw from her mother completely because she would have destroyed her with her words. She suggested I might need to as well, and get on with my life and focus on what God has for me, not on trying to fix my family's problems. True, just so hard letting go ...

Anyway, here's a few piccies from last night...

Final day at college

Someone snapped these of me on the last day ... funny thing is I must have been half asleep because I only very vaguely recall having my photo taken.

Graduation Dinner

This is me with three of my gorgeous girlfriends - Sarah, Kellie and Natalie. I had the privilege of doing Sarah's hair, so I did it up just like mine with different coloured flowers. She looked stunning and got loads of compliments :-) The final photo sums up what Bible college is like - haha .... lots of too friendly African guys! Linzi and I are in here with Douglas, Didier and Isaiah.

My Helper, the Holy Spirit

Yday, Ps Judy asked me to draft a letter for Ps Margaret to an elderly gentleman who has just donated a huge collection of books to the church for its library. She said the man was being moved into a nursing home and simply could not bring the books because there is no room, so it was a hard thing for him to let go of them. Therefore, she wanted a very warm thank you letter. I really didn't know what to say, other than thanks mate ... but I laid it down before God and asked for divine guidance in what to write. I was amazed at what came out .... It was yet another reminder than I can do all things in Christ!

Dear Mr XXX

Thank you for the exquisite and vast collection of Word of Faith books that you kindly donated to Victory Life Centre recently. You have kept these books in pristine condition and we deeply appreciate your very generous gift.

We are absolutely delighted to receive them for our library and are excited about their potential impact on many students' lives who attend our Bible College. Our students are hungry for the Word of God and passionate about deepening their relationship with God. These books will be an invaluable tool for planting many seeds in their hearts. Our students are our future leaders. They are ambassadors for Jesus Christ and we thank you, in advance, for the contribution you will make to their lives.

Thank you kindly.

Warmest regards

Tamz 21st Bday

Last night i went to Tammy's 21st birthday, which was held in the most amazingly spectacular mansion in Rossmoyne - it was the hosue of our building manager from church. He was obviously very successful in his career and I think he has a lot of investment property to keep the money rolling in! Anyway, here are some shots :-)

What cures a nasty painful face condition?

Well some time back, the skin on my face was really dry and itchy and flakes of skin kept falling off - gross! I tried so many things and discovered that so many things make it MUCH worse. At college, one of the girls told me that Zam-Buc - some South African ointment with natural oils was a guaranteed cure, so I followed the directions of some students to the South African shop close to the church and bought a little tin of it for $2.50 just before I started work at church at 1.00pm. Anyway, I smeared the stuff all over my face and experienced a burning sensation. By 4.00pm at the end of my shift, I went to the bathroom, only to find my face was bright red and looking much worse! Julz told me later that Eucalyptus oil, a component of the product, is among the worst things you can put on sore dry skin!

Anyway, I also tried some other products like Angelina's nappy rash cream (Curash), and then another type of nappy rash cream from the supermarket. Every moisturiser I tried only made it worse because of the perfume or alcohol content. Even the moisturisers for sensitive skin and that were fragrance-free, seemed to make my skin worse. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I even tried applying some stuff from my kitchen - natural yoghurt, mashed banana, honey, cucumber .... all to no avail!

Finally, as one last resort, I prayed and then had one last look in Angelina's cupboard and saw some nappy rash cream called Daktozin, for fungal infections and put that all over my face. We have used this stuff on Angelina only once or twice when she had bad diorheoa and the acidity of it made her skin flare up and go into blisters. Anyway, I put it all on and surprisingly, didn't feel the painful burning or drying out that I felt with everything else. My morning time, my face was back to normal! Praise the Lord! So obviously, it was some fungal infection. I think I got it after spending time in the garden - maybe I had a break in my skin and it allowed some micro-organism to get in. Anyway, I am just so grateful my face is back to normal. Feels so much better. Who would ever have thought the answer lay in Angelina's cupboard.

New blades - woooo hoooooo

I am so excited. I just got the most gorgeous blades - Fila M90 marathon skates & accessories worth $600!!! PRAISE THE LORD. This lady who lives around the corner had them up on eBay for $289 but they didn't sell, so I sent her a message asking if she'd consider selling them to me for $250 cash and she agreed! I am pretty amazed because she only bought them in December 2008 and has barely worn them and they are just gorgeous and still on the market for $600. She was so nice - prolly about ten years older and maybe Russian? She even gave me the receipts! Oh I cannot wait to try them out!!!!!

I have two other pairs of blades for friends who wanna come with me - they are more suited to beginners. I was just talking to some girls at church and they said they wanna come with me :-) Praise God!!!

Christ in you, the hope of glory

As part of an assignment for the subject on the Book of Colossians, I had to write a paragraph about Colossians 1:27 - what it means to me. Funny how last week I couldn't think of what to write, but today it all just came out. This is what I wrote.

This verse reminds me that I am never alone, that I have a greater power inside me than anything I can face in this world, and because of this, I am an overcomer, more than a conqueror and strong in the Lord in His power and might. I do not need to yield to fear because Christ in me fills me with so much love that it conquers all fear. He is my comforter, advocate, teacher, helper, intercessor, strengthener and standby. I am sufficient and complete because of His presence in me. I have perfect peace because He is Jehovah Shalom, the God of peace who dwells within me. I have a permanent bodyguard and friend. He helps me to see situations and people through His eyes and gives me the right words to say and pray. He guides me along paths of righteousness. Because He lives in me, I am dead to sin and alive to righteousness. In Him, I have fullness of joy and hope in every trial and confidence that He will lead me into the future He has for me.

Care group

Well my break from Facebook didn't last long, cos I had to organise a group photo for my care group at college and I wanted to share it with everyone and Facebook was the best means of sharing it. Here are a couple of shots we took. Kellie and I are in a group with five guys - two locals, one Korean and two Africans.

Word of encouragement

This morning as I was praying for my friend's vision and the dreams and desires God has placed in her heart for her future, I was overwhelmed with emotions and tears were streaming down my face. I heard the Lord say to tell my friend to not be discouraged, that the things she is believing for will come to pass and to trust in Him. I was so hesitant about giving her the message. I kept typing it out on text message, then cancelling the message. Then I went to sit down and just felt a burden to send it to her, so I did. I just said that I don't know why but I was overwhelmed with emotions while praying for her and I just wanted to let her know that I heard the Lord say not to be discouraged, that it would surely come to pass and to trust Him. I felt so silly sending it because I was thinking what it she was feeling fine ... but I know those tears were not for me.

Well, she replied saying that the last two days she has been totally overwhelmed by negative emotions and she had to pray and ask God to bring them under control. She said she had had a dream that Joyce Meyer came and told her not to be disappointed and to keep speaking out words of faith. My message contributed to her feeling God's love and encouragement so strong. Praise God. Wow, what a difference a message from the Lord can make! I pray I will always be obedient to share whatever I feel God has given me to say to people.

Happy again

I went on a big run yesterday on my own. It felt so good! Praise God my muscles are feeling good and my face is back to normal. Gonna be a beautiful fine and sunny spring day today. PRAISE THE LORD.

This is a piccy of Angelina that I took on Wednesday morning - definitely one of the best shots :-) This was just before she hurled Elmo off the ledge.

Sore calves and a raw face

On Sunday, Kristin and I went for a run in Kings Park and did a couple of rounds of Jacobs Ladder and took lots of silly piccies, like the ones below. I am sooooooooooooooo sore now :-(

And afterwards, I had some allergic reaction all over my face and it was itchy and dry, so I went through some drug samples from Julz and covered my face in Hydrozole, which is an anti-inflamatory anti-fungal cream .... however, it stung my face and so I quickly washed it off. Then I used a soap-free cleanser, only to then see it had expired a year ago!!!, so I quickly washed that off. Then I put on some Elocim, which is a steroid cream and also an anti-itch substance. That only made it worse :-( Booo hoooo... so I took it all off, then just put some moisturiser on, which is for sensitive skin, but the fragrance in it, made my face red and painful.... so by the time I got to church to serve in the bookshop, my face was red and lumpy. Before I went to bed, I cleaned my face and covered it with savlon, mum's favorite.

I woke up feeling much better, so before I left for college, I put on some more of that moisturiser I used before.... big mistake! By morning tea time, my skin was extremely dry and itchy :-( In the evening, Julz brought me over some gel that burns patients use and which needs to be applied as a thick layer then covered, in order for it to be effective..... so after putting on a 5mm thick layer, I taped up my whole face with porous skin tape and went to bed! ...I woke up feeling much better, and this time wise enough not to try the moisturiser. This time I tried a bit of Angelina's nappy rash cream ... which was ok, apart from the fact it turned my face white and left filmy streaks across my face. Anyway, got through another day at college and stopped by the baby section at the local supermarket. There was another type of nappy rash soother, which said on the label could also be used for adults, so I bought it! Praise God, it seems the best one so far :-) I am sitting here feeling worn out from all this drug sampling!

Anyways, on a brighter note, here's the piccies from Sunday.