Stabbed!

Going to Mexico means having a whole lot of vaccines injected into my arms to protect me against...

1. Measles, Mumps & Rubella;
2. Hepatits A;
3. Hepatitis B;
4. Swine flu;
5. Typhoid;
6. Polio; and
7. Tetanus.

I also got a vaccine against Cholera, which is an oral vaccine.

When I went to see Dr Cummins and his nurse, Erica, on Thursday I also had a blood sugar test to prove to mum that I don't have diabetes. My reading was within the healthy range of 6 to 8.

I cannot get over how expensive all the vaccines are. The polio one alone was $80. The cholera one costs $53 per dose, so the two dose course costs $106. Praise God Julz is GP and most she got me for free. The polio, typhoid and cholera ones she paid for, however, and they cost $177 collectively and that was apparently with a discount. Far out. I am so grateful for Julz' generosity. Thank you Jesus.

A downer

Feeling a little sad tonight, just thinking about how I need to get through the next seven or eight weeks, then say goodbye to looking after Angelina half of every week and our visits to mum and the dogs together. It breaks my heart, but the way things are now are a consequence of decisions that Julz and mum have made and their stubbon, unforgiving hearts. Oh why does it all have to be so hard in my family? Why couldn't I have been born into a better family? Why Lord, did you choose me for my family?

Just came home from Craig and Wendy's house, where I met another Kristin who did a DTS in 2005. She told me that you become like family with the people on your DTS, which is great. I need that. I really am so grateful for Wendy. She is just such a blessing to me. I just adore her. Her words and sensitivity really minister to me. I wish I had met her sooner.

Next person ...

Well straight after I told John he could move in, the Holy Spirit made it crystal clear it was not a great idea. For about an hour after John and his gf, Yvonne, left, I could sense all this lust and sexual immorality between them and I had all these visions of him sleeping with different women! I kept getting that scripture about how Jesus was enraged that His Father's house had been turned into a gambling joint and I felt God was saying to me that my house is a house of prayer, a special unique blessing and that bringing sexual immorality into it would open doors for the enemy into my life.

I rang up Sarah and asked her who she was going to suggest move into my home instead and she told me her friend Sharon, an older lady she prays with at the church. In the morning, I asked Tammy what she thought of Sharon. She told me Sharon's job at the church was about to end and she had been told that someone had expressed concern that Sharon had mental problems, though she had not witnessed anything abnormal in her dealings with her. Boy, that was enough to put me off!!! Sarah said she was actually considering the place herself .... I was like "WHAT???". The funny thing is, she was one of the first people I thought of, but I just assumed she was paying much less in her state housing and could not afford the rent.

It turns out that after that whole ordeal, she will be moving in and paying rent plus expenses - $165/wk on her own. It is amazing the peace in my heart that I feel about my decision to let her stay and actually longer term until she finds an alternate place. I have since moved all my stuff into the spare room and I am going to let her sleep in the master bedroom until she leaves - so my room will be the little one. Today I changed the sheets on her bed and cleaned out the cupboards and moved mystuff around. I really do not have a lot of possessions I realise. I have put a lot into the Good Sammy bin or sold it on eBay! hahaha

So it's all final now - Sarah has no furniture, which is actually a great thing for me because it means she will not be moving all my stuff around, taking down pictures, etc.. like John was going to do. She cannot pay me any rent in advance, but at least she is reliable to pay me rent each week. I know she is super clean and neat and I just love her so much and want to bless her. She is a true friend to me.

News is out

Well I finally summed up the courage to tell mum, and as expected she did not handle it well. However, hours later, she sent me an email saying sorry. I guess she is just fearful and insecure. I really feel this is what God wants me to do. I know it is definitely stepping out of my comfort zone and that I would not want to do this naturally if it wasn't from God.

Today Bev told me she no longer wants to rent the place, but then John rang and said he would definitely be interested in renting my place and will check it out tomorrow, which is great especially because Bev was only going to pay $100/wk for the first three months and $150/wk next three months. I asked John for effectively about $167/wk for all the six months, totally $4,000, as opposed to $3,000. That would be great. Then I may not have to break my term deposit so early.

Only John said he has A LOT of furniture and so will need to fit it all in. Oh Lord, please make his furniture fit! I might just sell my dining suite to make room. Why not. It's not like I really value it that much and I can easily get another one any time.

Ps David and Tammy agreed to be two of my referees. Now i'm just waiting on Ps Judy. Julz did my medical report today, but reckons I need to have a whole lot of injections prior to Mexico to be safe. Not looking forward to them.

Another step closer

Today I met with Anders (pronounced with a silent "d") from Denmark, who is leading the April DTS to Mexico this year. He is 29 and married to an Amercian girl and they have one child. He was lovely to talk to.

He told me that the DTS students are actually expected to do exercise together at 6.00am, which is an initiative to get them out of bed early and encourage them to spend some quiet time with God before they eat breaky. Wow!

On Monday nights they have lectures until 9.00pm or 9.30pm. On Tuesday night, they have small groups after dinner. On Wednesday night, they have a free night. On Thursday night they do evangelism and on Friday night they have the praise and worship meetings. Then on the weekends, maybe once every three weeks depending on how many students there are, they are required to do duties. He said as a maximum I can go home three times for the weekend during the twelve weeks and work is not an option due to the intensity of the weekly duties. He said he can make an exception with regard to Sunday nights and allow me to continue doing VLC bookshop if I want to.

I also had a tour of YWAM, which was the best bit. He took me to see 224 Lord St, which is the big communal dorm. Surprisingly, I actually quite liked it. The bunk beds are separated by big shelving units and every girl gets two shelves and some under-the-bed storage space and a tiny bit of hanging space. There are a few showers with all inclusive areas, so you can take your stuff in and lock the door. The whole dorm building is split in two halves with guys on one and girls on the other. They share a huge kitchen and there is a small area within the corridor with two small lounge chairs where people can sit and talk. I can see how people can easily make good friends in that place.

I filled out all the questions on the application form about my family, areas I feel I need to grow in, my conversion, etc... and went ahead and paid about $55 (ouch!!!) for a national police clearance. Now I also need a medical health report (praise God that Julz is a GP) and three referee reports from a pastor, teacher and friend. Talk about a full-on application process! The total cost is about $9,000 for six months. I really hope that Bev goes ahead and rents my place. I offered it to her at $100/wk for the first three months, then $150/wk for the next three months when I go overseas to Mexico.

Oh, somehow I have to break the news to mum. Why does it seem to hard!

Moving on

Well the more I contemplate it, the more I feel like pursuing it - a DTS at Youth With A Mission (YWAM). I mean, I could not in my own mind possibly want to do it as an alternative to earning big bucks in a mining company or somewhere else in the marketplace. It must be from God.

Especially with the communal-style accomodation arrangement in bunk beds. I was talking to a girl on the phone today and she said there are 24 bunk beds (i.e. 48 beds) and three showers and four toilets in one building that the girls share. You get up and have to be at the base by 8.00 am where you do duties until 8.30 am. Then eat breaky, then go into intercession/praise & worship, then lectures, then lunch, then duties, then free time for 2.5hrs, then dinner and lectures or meetings. She said she only had Wed night off. Friday night you are expected to be at the meeting until 9.00 pm or 9.30 pm. Apparently, it is VERY full on!

Wendy's words Thursday night pierced my heart - that love is not being controlled by someone, having the absence of freedom to go o/s and feeling obligated to do stuff for them when other people my age are living life the way God intended it. She said I need to accept that I may never have mum's blessing, so it's not like doing things for her will achieve it. She said I am an adult and I need to have my freedom. There will always be situations in my family that require attention and that I could always assist with, but I need to cut the soul ties and move on. No matter how hard it is to do, I need to do it.

The YWAM course comprises three months of lectures based in Perth and then three months o/s, during which time I would not be able to see mum at all (obviously). There are many different nations I could potentially go to. There is a school starting April or one starting July, but I'm feeling like I should be in the April one. Well Julz seems to be unwilling to push Kylie's start date later and consequently, I would not have a job between when Julz has the baby to July when I would start at YWAM. Therefore, it seems logical to start April. It concerns me that Julz will be having her second child and Grunde really is truly hopeless when it comes to looking after babies.... but I have to move on. There will always be things like this.

Anyway, with the April school, it would mean that I would do my lecture phase April, May and June in Perth, then miss the rest of winter, possibly to go to Mexico with 100 other students and staff. That sounds much more appealing then starting July and doing lectures in July, August and September when it is freezing and wet.

I guess I have already jumped over a big milestone in moving out of mum's house last year. Now is time to jump over another big milestone. I figure I could always see mum weekends at least for the first three months... and three months o/s is really only 12 weeks, which is a small amount of time in the larger scheme of things.

Now I am seeling anything of value in my house that I can through eBay. I realise things really don't have a hold of me anymore. I've got some of the Versace products Julz gave me, two pairs of shoes and a handbag. I can't say I have ever really appreciated the demonic medusa head that is a trademark of Versace It is engraved on the base of the shoes and all inside the handbag. Yuckkkkk - and people pay a lot for these products!

New season

I sense I am on the verge of entering into a new season of my life.

One of my gfs from Bible College stayed at my house over the weekend and then moved into YWAM, where she will be working on staff in the kindy. The house she is staying in has eleven other girls. It is an absolutely beautiful renovated old building on Bulwer St in Highgate that is owned by YWAM. It has three bedrooms each with two bunk beds, two toilets, one shower and a large leafy backyard. I know it will be a huge adjustment for her because she has had her own room in a large rental property she shared with only one other person and she has accumulated a lot of stuff, which doesn't all fit into the room she has to share with three other girls. She is fortunate though that all the other girls in the house are very beautiful girls, like herself, who are conscious about hygiene and beauty! They all have their straighteners and hair products. They are all Caucasian - Americans, Irish and German, except one from India (who looks more like a mix anyway). They all seem so lovely and people I can see myself as befriending.

Anyway, the whole experience of helping Nat get settled has impacted me a lot. It was so exciting thinking she is moving into a house with girls who have laid down their careers, selfish ambitions and family& friends relationships to whole-heartedly serve Jesus. What a change from hanging out with people who have one or both feet in the world. Something in me wants to hang around them more and I feel a need to have a break from W/o Walls for a while and go to YWAM meetings instead. I don't have any friends at W/o Walls who are totally on fire for God.

I have this inkling inside that maybe God wants me to be part of YWAM somehow. It is like there is an electric current charging around the room in the praise and worship meetings - more so than VLC or W/o Walls. People are hungry and united in their focus - to preach the Gospel and make disciples in all nations. I like the fact that there are lower numbers of Africans and higher numbers of Caucasian nationalities. Last night at the meeting I went to with Nat, I just felt like I belonged. So many nations represented. The meeting was jam-packed because this week they are celebrating the 50-year anniversary of YWAM and 25-year anniversary of Perth YWAM. I think someone said about 700 people have swarmed in from all over the world because in some way they have been linked to YWAM.

Apparently a DTS is a 6-month committment. Far out. Long time. The first three months is based in Perth. Then the next three months you go out on missions trips. Why does that scare me so much! I guess I am not ready to let go yet. I am concerned for my dear mother. I want to know she will be ok.

Praise God for Wendy

I have recently connected with Wendy from W/o Walls who I can see as a great new mentor for me. She is absolutely awesome and came around for coffee a couple of weeks ago. I just love her and really feel a deep connection with her because she understands brokenness and dysfunctional families and what it is like to have people in your life who act and speak totally differently in the presence of other people. One minute angry, the next minute sweet and nice. I chatted to her for about three hours.

Her dad was an alcoholic who abused her mum. Their house was full of anger and violence and God has worked it all out - not the way she wanted, but she said she learnt to accept that she will never get the family she wants from them. She has only had peace in her life for the last five years. She is 45 now. She is married to a really stable nice guy, Craig, and they have three beautiful Godly children. I really admire her and just sent her a message to arrange another coffee sesh with her.

Kristin just left for Thailand yesterday. I am actually quite relieved to have a break from her. It annoys me that she has openly shared my life with others. Christine, her mentor, came and hugged me one day in church and wouldn't let go, choosing to start praying for me without asking for my permission. It was hot and I really didn't appreciate it. That was what made me realise how much Kristin has shared with her. I almost feel like Kristin has betrayed my confidence and I am starting to realise more and more that she says a lot of negative things about people, then to their face she is sweet as candy. I don't like that double-sided nature. I really need a good break from her. She'll be back just before her birthday on 7 Feb.

My Father loves me!

Yesterday I spent 8 hours praying in the Spirit. I tried to stop and watch a DVD, but I only got a little way into it before I felt this pressing need to turn it off and keep praying. I wish I knew what exactly I was praying for - I am guessing my future. Anyways, on the way to the Tent Crusade, I was feeling a little bit down and I started saying "God, is it really that much to ask that I have just one family member take an interest in my life and actually give some indication that they belive in me?".

After Kristin and I had made lots of balloon art for the kids, we went into praise and worship and some old lady came and whispered in my ear - "I heard the Lord say that you have a beautiful heart and He is well pleased with you and to stay close to Him". Today it suddenly hit me that God told that lady to say that to me because of what I had mumbled in the car on the way there! Having a sweet word of encouragement from God is better than anyone else saying nice things to me.

Today Angelina fell asleep and, as usual, I anointed her with oil, laid hands on her and prayed God would heal her. Then I asked God to reveal Himself to her and despite what the circumstances appear like now, that she would have a great future and know God and hear His voice and know His plans for her in a really deep way and know the height, the width, the depth and the breath of His love for her, that she would feel the warmth of His embrace and His presence. As I was praying that, I sensed the Holy Spirit was with me, like He was kneeling beside me and praying with me too. It was just so lovely.

The manifold presence of God is just so refreshing and comforting. If people just knew that God is real and can manifest Himself to them, they would put aside everything in their lives and pursue Him. He is so worth pursuing whole-heartedly.

The battle belongs to the Lord

About nine years ago, my mum survived the hardest ordeal and after learning how to walk and talk again, found herself singing this song in the middle of the night. Last night, God reminded her that her calling is to be a warrior for Christ and fight in the spirit realm. She remembered this song again. Breakthrough is coming to my family!

The Battle Belongs To The Lord

In heavenly armor we'll enter the land,
The battle belongs to the Lord.
No weapon that's fashoned against us will stand,
The battle belongs to the Lord.

And we sing glory, honor, power and strength to the Lord,We sing glory, honor, power and strength to the Lord.

When the power of darkness comes in like a flood,
The battle belongs to the Lord.
He'll raise up a standard, the power of His blood,
The battle belongs to the Lord.

When Your enemy presses in hard, do not fear,
The battle belongs to the Lord.
Take courage, my friend, your redemption is near,
The battle belongs to the Lord.

My beautiful niece :-)

*** HAPPY NEW YEAR! ***

Went to a party last night - just a small gathering of mainly church people, which was lovely. It was meant to be a pool party starting from 4pm. However, it was too cold to swim and I arrived at 4.30pm, while the next person only came at 6.30pm! It didn't bother me though. Kylie and her sister, Jenny, are so easy-going and accommodating. I still can't over how different her sister is to her. Kylie said she is the tomboy in her family, whereas her sister is the pretty, feminine one. She is not saved yet and works as a steward for lots of different functions with very wealthy businessmen and famous people, predominantly from Thailand and other Asian countries. I just loved talking talking to her. She is only 22 and obvsiously a sanguine. Talks non-stop and is full of fun and bubbliness.

Anyways, here are the piccies from last night, as well as a couple of Angelina that I took earlier in the week that I had forgotten about.

A better day

I have spent much of the day in prayer - like probably about 8 or 9 hours now!!! I've been on the computer during some of the time, turning my collection of graduation ceremony photos into collages, which I posted on Facebook. It's funny how God has given me a creative side to my personality. Anyway, here are the nine collages I put together.

Graduation Ceremony

Well last night was the graduation ceremony and I was feeling utterly miserable because mum was just awful the day before and Julz had some work function on and Kristin didn't make it. I was just feeling so sad because mum's words really hurt me. Everyone else was so excited and all the locals had their supportive families. The internationals have loving families at home, so none seemed discouraged. I kind of wish I hadn't attended. I only went because Kristin's parents said they would come. Bless their precious souls.

Anyway, I forced myself to attend and then there wasn't a gown or hat for me because somehow Gail had missed putting mine in. That didn't actually bother me. Anyway, then we got all dressed up and took silly photos. I told a few people that I felt like i'd been punched in my gut and shared my grief. Then during the praise and worship all these tears kept pouring out of my eyes. It didn't help that I was in the very front row!!! I think the guest speaker (Mark Conner) noticed, but no one else seemed to pay any attention. It was so hard pushing them back in my eyes and holding myself together. Then we did the "walk up on the stage individually" bit and had our photos taken with the guest speaker. I couldn't help feeling down.

Afterwards, Kristin's faithful parents accompanied me to the Greaves room - we were the first to arrive. I introduced them to everyone as my adopted parents ... well not really that many people. I did, however, introduce them to Ps Barbara, who is my favorite teacher and I told her what had happened the previous day. She told me she had to withdraw from her mother completely because she would have destroyed her with her words. She suggested I might need to as well, and get on with my life and focus on what God has for me, not on trying to fix my family's problems. True, just so hard letting go ...

Anyway, here's a few piccies from last night...

Final day at college

Someone snapped these of me on the last day ... funny thing is I must have been half asleep because I only very vaguely recall having my photo taken.

Graduation Dinner

This is me with three of my gorgeous girlfriends - Sarah, Kellie and Natalie. I had the privilege of doing Sarah's hair, so I did it up just like mine with different coloured flowers. She looked stunning and got loads of compliments :-) The final photo sums up what Bible college is like - haha .... lots of too friendly African guys! Linzi and I are in here with Douglas, Didier and Isaiah.

My Helper, the Holy Spirit

Yday, Ps Judy asked me to draft a letter for Ps Margaret to an elderly gentleman who has just donated a huge collection of books to the church for its library. She said the man was being moved into a nursing home and simply could not bring the books because there is no room, so it was a hard thing for him to let go of them. Therefore, she wanted a very warm thank you letter. I really didn't know what to say, other than thanks mate ... but I laid it down before God and asked for divine guidance in what to write. I was amazed at what came out .... It was yet another reminder than I can do all things in Christ!

Dear Mr XXX

Thank you for the exquisite and vast collection of Word of Faith books that you kindly donated to Victory Life Centre recently. You have kept these books in pristine condition and we deeply appreciate your very generous gift.

We are absolutely delighted to receive them for our library and are excited about their potential impact on many students' lives who attend our Bible College. Our students are hungry for the Word of God and passionate about deepening their relationship with God. These books will be an invaluable tool for planting many seeds in their hearts. Our students are our future leaders. They are ambassadors for Jesus Christ and we thank you, in advance, for the contribution you will make to their lives.

Thank you kindly.

Warmest regards

Tamz 21st Bday

Last night i went to Tammy's 21st birthday, which was held in the most amazingly spectacular mansion in Rossmoyne - it was the hosue of our building manager from church. He was obviously very successful in his career and I think he has a lot of investment property to keep the money rolling in! Anyway, here are some shots :-)

What cures a nasty painful face condition?

Well some time back, the skin on my face was really dry and itchy and flakes of skin kept falling off - gross! I tried so many things and discovered that so many things make it MUCH worse. At college, one of the girls told me that Zam-Buc - some South African ointment with natural oils was a guaranteed cure, so I followed the directions of some students to the South African shop close to the church and bought a little tin of it for $2.50 just before I started work at church at 1.00pm. Anyway, I smeared the stuff all over my face and experienced a burning sensation. By 4.00pm at the end of my shift, I went to the bathroom, only to find my face was bright red and looking much worse! Julz told me later that Eucalyptus oil, a component of the product, is among the worst things you can put on sore dry skin!

Anyway, I also tried some other products like Angelina's nappy rash cream (Curash), and then another type of nappy rash cream from the supermarket. Every moisturiser I tried only made it worse because of the perfume or alcohol content. Even the moisturisers for sensitive skin and that were fragrance-free, seemed to make my skin worse. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I even tried applying some stuff from my kitchen - natural yoghurt, mashed banana, honey, cucumber .... all to no avail!

Finally, as one last resort, I prayed and then had one last look in Angelina's cupboard and saw some nappy rash cream called Daktozin, for fungal infections and put that all over my face. We have used this stuff on Angelina only once or twice when she had bad diorheoa and the acidity of it made her skin flare up and go into blisters. Anyway, I put it all on and surprisingly, didn't feel the painful burning or drying out that I felt with everything else. My morning time, my face was back to normal! Praise the Lord! So obviously, it was some fungal infection. I think I got it after spending time in the garden - maybe I had a break in my skin and it allowed some micro-organism to get in. Anyway, I am just so grateful my face is back to normal. Feels so much better. Who would ever have thought the answer lay in Angelina's cupboard.

New blades - woooo hoooooo

I am so excited. I just got the most gorgeous blades - Fila M90 marathon skates & accessories worth $600!!! PRAISE THE LORD. This lady who lives around the corner had them up on eBay for $289 but they didn't sell, so I sent her a message asking if she'd consider selling them to me for $250 cash and she agreed! I am pretty amazed because she only bought them in December 2008 and has barely worn them and they are just gorgeous and still on the market for $600. She was so nice - prolly about ten years older and maybe Russian? She even gave me the receipts! Oh I cannot wait to try them out!!!!!

I have two other pairs of blades for friends who wanna come with me - they are more suited to beginners. I was just talking to some girls at church and they said they wanna come with me :-) Praise God!!!