Sorry

This morning I got a phone call from the Chairman of the interview panel offering me the job I don’t want. He totally caught me off guard, because I hadn’t yet prepared a response to say to him. I was waiting for the letter in writing before I thought of a polite way to decline it. He told me that the panel was very impressed with me and then started to talk about arrangements when I interrupted and said “I am so sorry Geoff, but I’m going to have to decline the position”. He was like “why?” and then I kind of muttered out a very awkward response. I started by saying that the job seemed really different after the interview and that I didn’t feel like it was the right job for me. What the heck was I meant to say?

I didn’t have the heart to tell him I thought the photos decorating the foyer were really distasteful, or that I didn’t appreciate the moaning outside my door while I was reviewing the questions, or their lifeless handshakes or that I thought the panel were really uninspiring and not the sort of people I want to work with or be like. I was caught off-guard so I sort of just mumbled that I was not emotionally up to it and that I had applied for a few jobs and my heart was set on a different job …uuurggghhh.

The worst thing is, I had gone to so much effort to excel in the interview and prove I was the ideal candidate. He sounded so disappointed and even tried to negotiate with me. He suggested they could restructure the position for me. How could I explain to him that it just wasn’t God’s will for me. I couldn’t tell him the warning dream I had, he wouldn’t understand. So instead I said I just wasn’t ready for the challenge and that maybe in the future I would reconsider working there. He told me that another position is likely to be free within the next six months – I was wondering why!!! There was just something about the place that made my skin crawl and I felt very uncomfortable talking to him.

I’m glad that’s over. Did I achieve anything in doing that application? I guess it’s encouraging to know that I can convince a bunch of strangers that I am worthy of a promotion, but at the cost of messing them around and disappointing them, I’m not sure it was worth it. I feel so low about the whole thing ;-(